the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
