my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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