he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
