Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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