my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
