I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
