I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I smell like Dick and happiness
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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