I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
