my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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