This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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