I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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