As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
