Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
