; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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