The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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