I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
