fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize