she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
