I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
