My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
