Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
