I'm pants shitting drunk right now
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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