Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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