I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
