the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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