Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
