I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
