I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I've blown a few things in my day
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
