I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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