I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
