I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
