So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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