Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Four minutes until I can fart!
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Randomize
