everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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