I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I party with great urgency now.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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