He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
