Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
