Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
It's rum buckets o'clock
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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