When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
