As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
