oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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