I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
