Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
