He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
