thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
So much Jack, so little girl.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
