____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
