So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
