she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
