you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Dick very happy bro
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
