So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
