Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
