her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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