addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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