Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
