He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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