Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
