Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Are my feet made of real feet?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
