I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
