Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Drake has all the answers
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
