Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
