There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
