i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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