So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
