Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
