Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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