Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
