If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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