Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
