my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
