Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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