I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
he was CRYING into my vagina
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
