my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize