there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I need to sanitize my soul.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
