Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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