My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
