I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
