I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
being pregnant is like rehab
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
