I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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